So our year long deployment has officially started. Ty left me just a 4 short days ago and it has seemed like forever. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through this upcoming year. He really is my life and I feel so completely empty and lost without him. I have complete faith that he will make it home. He's a strong person and an amazing soldier. I know he knows what to do...I'm just so lonely.
Then I think about the kids....a year. That's a long time without daddy. Ty's kind of a hard ass but these kids look to him like he's a hero. He is their everything. Kadence asks every morning if he called (because he has been calling in the middle of the night and then again in the afternoon sometime). Last night he didn't call. I honestly woke up every half hour and looked at my phone and started to get worried because he didn't call..lol. It's insane- I know we can't have a schedule, but it just scared me for a minute. It's such an awful feeling...I hate it. He called around 10:00 and said he decided to call around my life and not is- that way I could sleep through the night....as if I could anyways.
Monday was probably one of the worse days I have experienced in a while. Standing there looking at all those bags and watching people say good bye to their soldiers was enough to break my heart more then it already was. It's just sad. Then the awful thought crosses your mind about the people that might not make it home...and even worse- what if- the worse what if ever. It's to awful to think let alone write. I couldn't imagine a world without him. I could have hit the pavement right there. I felt like someone was tearing my heart out and was unsure if they were going to give it back. But then I looked at the kids and his parents and realized that I had to be strong for everyone.- especially him. After all we only have to miss him and we get to have a normal life. He has to be alone and missing all of us- that has to be horrible. The kids are missing their dad- I've lost my dad at a young age and I know how bad that sucks. His parents are missing him. I know he is my husband, but I couldn't imagine sending my child off to war. That's a feeling I hope I never have to experience. So we got in the car and went home and we are tryin to get back to life.
I sleep with his pillow and shirt and although I cry myself to sleep almost every night and I don't sleep more then 5 hours a night we're doing okay. I just want him home though. I bought him a computer and will be sending it so that we can skype- can't wait for that! R&R will be here before we know it and then he'll be home. Safe and sound.
I do have one thing I'm very excited about!! For those of you that know what AT EASE Ft. Jackson is- it's coming to Ft. Carson! I'll be heading it! I'm going to make a difference at that post before I leave! These women will feel more support and make friends! I'll be blogging about that later though!
"I still imagine your touch. It's beautiful missing something that much. But sometimes love needs a fighting chance. So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance" (Shedaisy- Come home Soon)
Then I think about the kids....a year. That's a long time without daddy. Ty's kind of a hard ass but these kids look to him like he's a hero. He is their everything. Kadence asks every morning if he called (because he has been calling in the middle of the night and then again in the afternoon sometime). Last night he didn't call. I honestly woke up every half hour and looked at my phone and started to get worried because he didn't call..lol. It's insane- I know we can't have a schedule, but it just scared me for a minute. It's such an awful feeling...I hate it. He called around 10:00 and said he decided to call around my life and not is- that way I could sleep through the night....as if I could anyways.
Monday was probably one of the worse days I have experienced in a while. Standing there looking at all those bags and watching people say good bye to their soldiers was enough to break my heart more then it already was. It's just sad. Then the awful thought crosses your mind about the people that might not make it home...and even worse- what if- the worse what if ever. It's to awful to think let alone write. I couldn't imagine a world without him. I could have hit the pavement right there. I felt like someone was tearing my heart out and was unsure if they were going to give it back. But then I looked at the kids and his parents and realized that I had to be strong for everyone.- especially him. After all we only have to miss him and we get to have a normal life. He has to be alone and missing all of us- that has to be horrible. The kids are missing their dad- I've lost my dad at a young age and I know how bad that sucks. His parents are missing him. I know he is my husband, but I couldn't imagine sending my child off to war. That's a feeling I hope I never have to experience. So we got in the car and went home and we are tryin to get back to life.
I sleep with his pillow and shirt and although I cry myself to sleep almost every night and I don't sleep more then 5 hours a night we're doing okay. I just want him home though. I bought him a computer and will be sending it so that we can skype- can't wait for that! R&R will be here before we know it and then he'll be home. Safe and sound.
I do have one thing I'm very excited about!! For those of you that know what AT EASE Ft. Jackson is- it's coming to Ft. Carson! I'll be heading it! I'm going to make a difference at that post before I leave! These women will feel more support and make friends! I'll be blogging about that later though!
"I still imagine your touch. It's beautiful missing something that much. But sometimes love needs a fighting chance. So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance" (Shedaisy- Come home Soon)
Reading this brings back so many memories of Derek being gone, and seeing the same emotions I have felt brought tears to my eyes. I hate for anyone to have to deal with a deployment and I can only hope this one goes by as fast and easy as possible. I could say the time and days get easier, and they somewhat do, but the feeling like half of a whole never goes away until your arms are around him again. However you are a strong and determined woman and I know you are going to do so many great things while he is gone. For starters At Ease, which you starting it there couldn't come at a better time when so many wives are needing the sisterhood that At Ease represents. You're huge loving nature and amazing personality will make you a great person to head the Ft. Carson addition of At Ease!!! As always I am here if you ever need me whether to vent, make you laugh, or hear your thoughts and ideas.
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