I knew this year would be hard. I had no doubts in my mind that it would suck. I mean really how could I even try to be naive. I had about a million other wives telling me how much I would hate the next year of my life. However, I was naive to one small thing. I was under the impression that Ty leaving was going to be the worst of it. I was blind to all the other things that could and would happen.
This past few months has been a string of what seems to be bad luck, I know that sounds crazy. But that's the way that my life has seemed. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong- and yes I am aware that this is the law of the deployment- but it doesn't mean that I have to like it or be very accepting of it. It blows!
The list of ridiculous things I have had to deal with are to long to list in any depth. But my house is falling down around me, this place has a major disruption of information and there is pretty much nothing here for deployed spouse and AT EASE seemed as though it wasn't making the impression we wanted (that has changed and I'll be writing about it soon!). I could deal with all of that- it was beginning to wear me thin, but I was able to deal with it.
Then came the call. The call that I really didn't think I would ever have to deal with. It was Saturday August 6 at about 8:00 am. Daniel called me (one of my sweet boys from Cadiz) to ask if I had heard about AMP- I replied no and he responded that AMP had died the night before. Anthony was my best friend. I called him my second husband..lol. I met him when I was 16 and we clicked, he did things and made choices that I didn't always like but he was still my best friend. He came a couple times to live with us in South Carolina and we had big plans for this deployment. He made it his personal mission to just help me get through this year. AMP would call me about 4 times a day. He just wanted to make sure someone was helping me, talking to me and checking on the kids. When this round of jobs were done he was moving to the Springs. All he ever wanted to do was join the military and I was going to try to help him with that. We had plans of what we were gonna do with the kids- which included Disney World because I love that place and AMP had never been there. When Ty got back we had a big trip to Vegas planned. All of it just seems like a dream. It's so surreal. I just don't understand how he is gone..forever. It's not fair.
That week back home was a blur. I tried to hang out with friends because I thought it would make me feel better- but that only made the realization set in that he was gone. Everyone was there except him and Ty. It was the most awful feeling ever. Then finally after a week of waiting came the funeral. It's the first funeral I have been to since my dad died. It didn't look like AMP and I think that made it even harder.
On the way home as I passed the windmills (a place he google map texted me once- he was so fascinated by all the things he was able to see) I cried. I just can't believe he's gone. I don't know what I'm gonna do without his daily talks, his stupid fill in the blank songs and the lyrics he could never get right. He wore crazy hats and loved everyone. He tried so hard to be a friend to everyone and even when he was getting into trouble it was because he was trying to help someone. There are so many things I'm going to miss about him, but for the most part I'm just gonna miss him. Just being around him and knowing that you meant something to him. He would do anything for anyone because everyone mattered to him even if he didn't matter to everyone else.
Before I finish up this I want to share my favorite memory. I didn't have the courage to stand up and say at the funeral. When I was 18 about two weeks after high school graduation I just knew I was pregnant. I come from a very small town so the last thing I wanted to do is walk in and buy a pregnancy test anywhere. I knew it would get back to Ty's family and if I was wrong I didn't want to any trouble. So I called Anthony and told him he needed to go buy me one. He of course asked why I couldn't buy it. My response was "I don't want people to think I'm pregnant" and he responded with "So you want people to think I got someone pregnant?" So he eventually went into Rite Aid and bought be one. We got back to my house and I took the test. I was so scared I told him to read it. He said "It's negative- one line is purple and one is pink!!" LOL I of course said "There's two lines?" Amp said "Yea but one is purple!" For any of you that have ever taken a pregnancy test you know that the color variation doesn't matter- if there are two lines, no matter how faint one might be- then your pregnant. He was the first one to know I was pregnant and he was so happy. Kadence was born on Anthony's birthday and he thought that was amazing.
RIP Anthony- I love you and am gonna miss you like crazy.
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